Le Droit Coutumier
by TheWanderingMiko
Summary: Title translated "The Common Law" This fic happens after the movie's end, Al and Ed are living in Germany when a strange news broadcast puts their happiness in jeopardy...Roy Mustang has passed safely through the gate...but- why? Warning: Elricest/Yaoi
1. Chapter 1

Roy sat quietly in the place that he had come, it was some abandoned building in the middle of a bustling city.

'So long, Sir', Hawkeye had said as she'd saluted him and stood as he'd transmuted himself and three freshly dead cows. The gate had gladly accepted the new meat, but it hadn't been enough to keep the door open so now he was alone.

"I guess it could be worse", he told himself just as he had since he'd gotten here, though by now the words were losing their truth. As the days went by, he became hungry, water was present in this place; food was not.

Wrapping himself up in a tarp that he'd found, he quietly dug some papers out of a stack and started a small fire. Alchemy didn't work here, that had been his first lesson.

"With the death of Adolf Hitler, the Nazi party has slowly receded and recovery…" Edward turned the tea off as the pot started to whistle at him. He wasn't really listening to the news, he'd just turned it on for noise while he'd cooked.

"Al! Lunch!", he called, pulling saucers and teacups from the cupboard.

The news topic changed and he looked curiously at the flickering colorless picture on the new television set's screen.

"Thank you Dianne. We see some strange things in this world and they never cease to surprise us. Such is the case of a man living in an abandoned mansion in Munich that once belonged to the University.

The man is said to never come outside, using few if any technologies in his day to day life, a Jewish refugee perhaps? So far, no one knows" A picture of the man, obviously taken without his consent flickered onto the screen and a clattering smash was heard as Edward dropped the dishes he was holding. There on the screen, curled up under a tarp, reading; was Colonel Roy Mustang. No, no it couldn't be- but it was…

The picture flipped off of the screen as Al came running in.

"Brother are you okay?!", at the sound of the younger male's voice, the older male slowly started cleaning up the glass shards, his eyes still trained on the screen as though Roy would appear on it again. He was here, he was in Munich, but he was in this world. '_Why?_', he wondered, '_Why would he be here now?_'

"Brother?", a sharp sensation bit into Ed's finger just as his little brother spoke and he jumped and swore. Alphonse jolted back, startled by his brother's sudden out break, and whimpered as Ed dropped the glass again and held up an overly dramatic, bleeding finger. He watched it for a moment, then sighed and got up, leaving the glass where it was.

"Al, I have to go to Munich for a couple days, is that okay?", he honestly didn't know how long he really would be gone, that depended on how hard it would be to get into contact with Roy once he was in Munich, but he figured a couple days in Munich would give him at least a week of traveling time to work it out. The younger male nodded lightly.

"Yes, it's fine, I can have Noah come and stay with me", it wasn't that he was too young to take care of himself anymore, more as it were Alphonse had been getting sick lately and Edward always insisted on having someone stay with him in case something went wrong. It had become something that was expected and neither one had to remind the other about the rule's existence. Giving a nod, Ed hurried up the stairs to pack, he had to get there as soon as possible, there was a sense of urgency upon him for some reason. Now that he knew Roy was there, there was a pull, a magnetic force urging him back to Munich, begging him to be near to the Colonel, to see him with his own eyes.

Pulling a suitcase from the closet that held both his and Alphonse's clothing, he threw in a couple white shirts, some slacks, an extra jacket, underwear, socks, a hairbrush and a book or two before closing the case and tossing it onto the bed. Al came to stand in the doorway as he pulled on a jacket and gloves, brushing his hair back into a tight ponytail once he had them on.

"Brother, is something wrong?", he asked curiously, Ed shook his head, not looking at the younger boy as he sat on the bed, pulling on his boots.

"Brother?"

"Nothing is wrong Al", Edward answered as gently as he could, he didn't want the boy to worry, but he didn't want him going with him either.

_This is something I have to do alone._

Standing, he gave his brother a smile and grabbed the suitcase from the bed, he felt like he should've been hurrying more than he was, even though he was already hurrying quite a bit.

"It's only a couple days right?", Alphonse asked, something in his voice telling Ed that the boy didn't like the idea of his being away under the circumstances; pacing across the room, the older male palmed the younger's face gently.

"Yes, only a couple days, I will call you immediately if it turns out to be more", Al nodded and looked away before Ed leaned and kissed his forehead. He could tell that he was upset about it but the pull to go was stronger and in the end it won out.

"Why don't you call Noah, I am off", Al nodded again.

"See you in a couple days…?", Ed smiled gently.

"Yes, just a couple days…", then he left, closing the door with a small 'clack' behind him. Raising his arms high over his head, Edward smiled lightly as a car pulled over and an old man peered out of his car at him.

"Are you going towards Munich?"

Al was lonely once Ed was gone, he didn't want to call Noah, even with her here he still felt lonely. Edward was his only companion, when he was gone there was no one to talk to. Then there were the dreams; dreams so sinfully blissful that delved from him on the nights he slept alone in that room. They weren't so bad when Edward was laying in the bed across from his, but they got unbearable when the older male was gone and when he came back Alphonse couldn't look him in the face. He wanted so desperately to touch and be touched.

_My sin is that I love my brother…as more than a brother…_

Remembering the mess in the kitchen, the seventeen year old grabbed a broom from the closet and headed in to clean the mess up.

"Such is the case of a man living in an abandoned mansion in Munich that…"

This was a way for him to distract himself, wasn't it? But the mess needed to be cleaned up as well; he swept the glass into a pile.

"The man is said to never come outside, using few if any technologies…", Al reached to turn the small television set off, he hated it when they repeated stories, "…a Jewish refugee perhaps? So far, no one knows." The blonde's fingertip touched the power knob, but before he could turn it, a familiar face flickered onto the screen and he stared, slowly releasing the knob from between his fingers.

_The Colonel…?_

His breath was stuck in his throat, slowly turning from the technology; he pressed his back to the counter and slid down it to sit on the floor.

_The Colonel…Edward is going to Munich to see the Colonel…?_

He felt sick again.


	2. Chapter 2

Edward stared out the window of the old car as the news rattled on about the war, everything was about the war, first it had been to support the war, now it was to oppose the war, it was all these people seemed to care about. But then again he could have said the same for his world, there was always a war going on, he had been a dog of the state, a military alchemist, he should have known that better than anyone. Better than anyone he should have been aware of the genocide of the Ishbalan people, just like the genocide of the Jewish people here; it was equal, balanced. Terrible, yes, but balanced.

"...A Jewish refugee perhaps?...", the story was being repeated for nearly the fifth time that day; either it was emphatically interesting, or the police wanted to know who their 'mystery man' was.

_The police wouldn't believe me if they knew._

"Have you heard of this?", the blonde turned and looked at the old man when he spoke for the first time in hours; he nodded lightly.

"Some, they've repeated it nearly five times today", the old man laughed.

"I am betting that he's a Jewish refugee, or a criminal, wouldn't that be exciting?", Ed gave a half laugh and nodded.

"I suppose it would, I think they should just leave him alone, he's not hurting anyone by hauling up in that mansion", the old man laughed again, but it was not an accusing laugh, it was a kind laugh.

"Yes, you're right, I think the news companies are just searching for something to report other than war. It's been all war for nearly six years now, so when they finally find something that isn't war related they latch onto it and wring it to death until people are sick of hearing about it. They will drop it by morning, he will be yesterday's news by then" Ed nodded lightly, the old man was right of course, he knew that he was right and so there was nothing more to say and they slowly sank back into silence.

"There you are", Edward smiled brightly and thanked the old man for the ride; he hadn't expected the old man to give him a ride the whole way to Munich, but he wasn't ungrateful for it. Hiking his suitcase from the car, he nodded and closed the door of the car, watching and waving as the car pulled away. Once it was out of sight, he set off, his shoes clicking on the cobblestone as he headed down the familiar path to the old mansion.

_I have to see him._

He was nearly running before he knew it and within half of an hour he was standing, faced with the foreboding building. It looked strange in it's uninhabited state, the last time he had seen it, it had had guards posted at every station; now it loomed, dark and empty over the street, still owned by the University, but never used since the first falling of Hitler.

_He is inside, I have to go in._

Swallowing any hesitation that he might have had, he hesitantly walked to the doors and slid inside the decrepit building seemingly unnoticed.

Al watched Noah as she slept, in the end he had called her, but she was little comfort, he had still had one of those dreams. The kind that heated his body to the point of angrily pulsing for attention, rolling away from her, the blond got up and headed to the bathroom, he had to take care of this. This hot pulsing sickness that embraced his brother when he was gone and made him a sinner when his brother was near to him.

"Al? Are you okay?", Alphonse stopped at the door when Noah spoke, obviously having heard him get up, he turned slightly and smiled at her.

"I am fine, just going to get something to drink", he said gently, "go back to sleep, I will be back in a couple moments", he was lying, he was _lying_; he was going to be gone for ages, possibly all night, but she didn't need to know that. So he watched as she nodded, laying down to sleep once more, and pulled open the door, closing it behind him.

_Brother..._

Al quickly closed and locked the bathroom door behind him, noting silently how cold the floor was against his feet but not letting it bother him.

_I love you more than a brother..._

Tearing his clothes away, he laid down on the cool floor, jolting against the change in temperature from the cold floor to his overly hot skin.

_I want you more than a brother..._

A thick moan escaped him and his toes dug against the floor as he wrapped his hand around himself, his breathing becoming heavy as he realized he couldn't get enough air. He coughed desperately, not able to breathe but not able to still his hand either. Rolling onto his stomach, he coughed into his hand as he thrust his hand up and down on himself, his tip pressed erotically to the cold floor.

_I want you to touch me Brother._

His body was tightening, his chest was tightening, and in one sudden splash, lightning shot through him and he fell against the floor, coughing as something spilled from his mouth and moaning thickly as his body rocked in spasm. Cum splashed and mixed with whatever it was that had come from his mouth and he lay there in it's puddle, panting, finally able to breathe.

_Before whatever this is, consumes me..._

"Colonel? Colonel Mustang are you here?", Roy jumped at the faint sound of someone calling his name; only two people in this world knew his name.

"Colonel?", Slowly Roy stood, being as still and silent as he could, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from.

"Colonel Mustang, where are you?!", the soldier turned and headed for the main hallway, and there he was, looking like something from a dream. Roy stared at him for a long moment, not saying anything as he watched Ed look down the other corridors. He was a beautiful sight for sore eyes, he was a little taller, a little thinner than he thought he remembered him to be; he wanted to reach out and touch him. When the blonde headed away from him, he called out.

"You're going to wrong way!", Edward froze his eyes widened as he turned.

Al woke to the sound of someone knocking on the bathroom door,

"Alphonse are you okay?!", it was Noah, had he slept there all night? He pushed himself up, listening as she kept knocking, "Alphonse?"

"Yes I am fine", he said quickly getting up and reaching for the doorknob, a red smear on his hand stopped him.

_Blood…?_

He looked back from where he'd been laying, there was a puddle of half dried blood and semen. His back hit the door as he leapt in fear, his eyes widening.

"Alphonse?", the blonde swallowed the lump in his throat, running his fingers over his lips.

"I'm- I'm fine…"

_Liar…_

Edward's eyes widened as they met the familiar form of his superior, he was just the same, standing there looking threatening in his uniform and eye patch. The blonde's throat twisted, he'd never thought- he'd never once imagined that he'd see him again, but there he was. He looked older, or maybe just more tired of life; it had been two very long years.

"I see you've grown", the Colonel said gently, straightening his back and trying to look business like. Ed smiled at the gesture of ever so slight respect.

"Only my hair", he replied, knowing that his commanding officer had never been one for easy affection.

_You're here…I can't believe that you're here…_

Ed could feel the slow raising of tears into his eyes, he could barely see through their burning mist after a moment but he watched Roy as though he could see him perfectly.

_But you're standing right in front of me…_

Suddenly, the blonde felt two arms wrap around him and pull him tightly against a strong chest.

"You're still the same…", he heard Roy say softly, and instinctively the younger male pressed tightly to his elder and started to cry.

_You're really here…just when I had almost given up…_


	3. Chapter 3

Al sat silently on his bed, he had only slept on the bathroom floor for a little over a half hour as it turned out; it was late, Noah had gone back to bed and he was still awake, unable to get the image out of his head. There was no denying it now, not now that he had seen the proof right there on the bathroom floor, he knew that there was no going back. Was this the end? Probably, but how on earth could he tell something like this to Edward? How on earth could he tell the person that he loved so very much that he was going to die soon?

He couldn't.

Wanting desperately to get up and walk around, he mentally swore at the fact that he couldn't because it would wake up Noah. He hated that she insisted on sleeping there with him even though he had told her she could go home and come back in the morning; it was as though she expected Ed to return any moment and yell at her for having a life outside of babysitting a seventeen year old sickling. That was probably the reason that she didn't complain when she was requested to the task in the first place, because she had a slight fear of his elder brother that was unjustified and held underneath her calm, cool exterior.

Scooting back on to the windowsill that was accessible from his bed, Al turned and stared out the window, pressing his ever so slightly fevered head to the cool glass, watching as it fogged up around his touch.

_I am alone, truly alone, after so long of searching, after so long of trying desperately to find him and hold onto him, I am in the end utterly and completely alone..._

He knew what his brother would do when he found the Colonel, neither of them had thought he knew but he had caught them once. He'd said that he'd had errands to run and had gone out only to come back early. At first the house had seemed empty, but that couldn't be because all of the lights had been turned on, the living room, the hall, all of it was illuminated. All, that is, except for one; the bedroom, it wasn't exactly dark, but it was dimmed, the lamp had been turned down. The door to the bedroom had been open a bit and he'd investigated only to find them there, Edward riding the Colonel hard enough to move the entire bed. He had been so beautiful, so erotic and sexy as he'd moaned and panted, thrusting his rectum down on his superior officer desperately. Both seemed to enjoy it so thoroughly; was it bad that he wanted the same kind of intimacy?

_But it's a sin to lie down with your brother, isn't it?_

Yes it was, but then again neither he nor Ed had ever been particularly religious, instead they had supplemented anything they could to Alchemy and hadn't dwelled too much on the prospect of a religion. There were those that dedicated their life to their belief in a God, that worshipped and served him like any vassal would serve a master; but Alphonse was not one of those people. There had to be something after this life, but what it was, was not something that he had entertained to lay out for himself.

_If you're not religious, why are you so worried about the way you feel...?_

Al pondered this question for a long moment; maybe it wasn't the sin that he was worried about, it wasn't the result of the sin either. Maybe it was more the idea of Edward hating him for it that he was afraid of; he couldn't stand the idea of the older male hating him.

_If he hated me I-…_

Closing his eyes, the seventeen year old brought his legs up and curled against the glass, pressing his forehead to it and laying back, crossing his ankles as he sunk into his thoughts.

_I don't know what I would do…_

**

"First Lieutenant Hawkeye is taking over my position as we speak, I signed the letter that stated that she was my successor, then I signed the suicide letter", Roy was staring into the space between him and Edward and the blond knew that he wasn't seeing him.

"Why would you do this?", he asked frankly, the Colonel turned and looked at him, silently for a moment through the eye patch before looking away from him.

"If you have to ask that question then it was a wasted effort", he said lightly, Ed glared.

"Why do you always have to be so cryptic?", he asked, "it's always crypticness or sarcasm, you can't be normal like everyone else.", Roy smirked at the statement.

"If I was anything else, Edward, you would be questioning me in the third degree", the blond said nothing but he knew that the Colonel was correct; he wouldn't be Colonel Roy Mustang if he weren't cryptic and sarcastic. Getting up on to his hands and feet, he spiderlegged his way across the small distance and sat close to the older male.

"Even so, I would think that you would brave the third degree of a twenty-two year old", Roy laughed, running his fingers along Edward's chin, tipping it up so that he couldn't look away. He said nothing, there was nothing to say; he was here, he'd passed through the gate and was now so very close to the person that he had wanted to be close to; he'd risked everything for Edward. What was there to say to that?

Reaching for the boy, the Colonel pulled Edward against him and gently laid him down, looming above him for a moment before he swept down to press his lips to the blonde's in a silent testimony that they both knew he would never be able to say out loud.

Kissing back, Edward ran his fingers through the Colonel's hair, pushing his hips up and realizing that the older male's mind was as deep into the gutter as his own at the moment. But somewhere in this romance, in the very back of his happiness drugged mind; he didn't know why, but- something wasn't there. The love was there, the emotion and the want; he had missed him so very much and he could feel all of the emotions that were supposed to be there, but still something he couldn't place his finger on was not where it was supposed to be.

_It's all so perfect…and yet something is missing…but what…?_

**

A tick in the back of Al's throat dragged him up and forced him to rush out of the room before he started coughing. He couldn't breathe; no matter how much air he got into his lungs, he would just cough it back out. Pressing his back to the wall outside the door he braced himself as a coughing fit overtook him. It was the kind of fit that as of late he had been making a point to hide from his brother, it was something that he knew would break his heart and thus knew that it would have to stay hidden.

Pressing his back harder against the wall he coughed harder, lights blinking behind his eyes as his oxygen deprived brain strove to keep him alive.

_I'm going to die like this…_

His knees buckled and he heard the door open as he fell to the floor.

_alone…_

Finally blood erupted from his mouth and he could breathe again, it splashed and spread on the wooden planks, leaving them stained a bright crimson. A scream was heard and he felt a soft body latch onto him, holding him halfway up as the world went fuzzy and slowly faded to black.

_Without him…_


	4. Chapter 4

The house was empty when Edward walked through the door with Roy close behind him, it was still early but not early enough for either Noah or Alphonse to still be in bed. He looked into the kitchen, the mess of glass was still on the floor; something was wrong, both Noah and Al were such neat freaks, it should have been cleaned up soon after he'd left; dropping his suitcase, he headed to the stairs.

"Al?", he called as he hurried up to the second level, "Noah?", Roy was quickly on his heels as he ran, his pace getting even more urgent when he received no reply. Up the stairs and down the hall, Edward grabbed onto the doorframe to catch himself as he reached the room that he and Al shared and pushed open the door.

Noah was there, she jumped nearly a mile into the air when he roughly pushed the door open, but greeted him with an ever so slight smile and went back to folding and packing clothing into a suitcase. Edward smiled upon seeing her, a sense of normality coming over him. Perhaps he had overreacted a little?

"Oh, Noah…", he ruffled his hair slightly, "have you seen Al? I can't find him…", the small smile vanished and the gypsy turned to look at the blonde with a grave look, her eyes misting up.

"He's not here, Edward", she said softly, turning and pushing yet another shirt into the suitcase before reaching for Alphonse's brush and pushing that into the case as well. Edward stopped as he watched her, she was packing Al's stuff.

"Where is he?", he asked suspiciously, Noah didn't answer and again he tried, "Noah, where is he?" Again she said nothing, just continued to pack some small hygiene products of the younger boys into the case. When she reached for a pillow to put into the case, the blonde stepped forward and grabbed her by the arm roughly.

"Noah! Where is my brother?!", a slight look of fear and sadness came over the woman's face and she looked at Ed briefly before looking away and biting her lip; wrenching her arm out of his grip.

"He's at the Luxemburg Hospital", she said softly, "he started coughing up blood last night", closing the case, she stepped around both men and headed out. Ed listened to her footsteps all the way down the stairs and out the door before he started after her; staggering to the doorway of the bedroom and stopping.

_Coughing up blood…?_

His head dropped with a sudden tiredness and a stain on the wood caught his eye, it was a reddish brown, puddle-shaped blot on the used wood of the floor.

**

Al stared blankly at the hospital room ceiling, he wanted to take a bath, a nice cold bath to wash away all of his sins. Edward was probably at home by now, probably wondering where he was.

_Is this punishment?_

He didn't know, but he did know that he didn't want to see him; didn't want Edward to see him like this.

Reaching his hand up he watched as his fingers seemed to touch the ceiling that was so far away; they were thin fingers, he had always thought that they were so much weaker than Edward's; the older male had gotten their father's hands, and he had gotten their mother's.

He jumped as the door opened and Noah filed in, his suitcase in her dark fleshed hands; he smiled at her shy demeanor and nodded in welcome.

"I brought you some clothing", she said gently as she placed the case in the chair beside his bed, "I also packed you a mirror and a hairbrush"

"Thank you", he said gently.

"Edward's home", she said suddenly, jumping slightly before looking away; a fear came over the blonde, "he arrived this morning while I was packing", she wasn't looking at him and he knew why.

"You told him where I was…", an apologetic look came to her eyes and she pleaded with him.

"I'm sorry! He asked me where you were and I didn't know what to tell him", Al smiled lightly, waving it off. He hadn't expected anything less from her, it wasn't that he didn't want the elder male to know where he was, he just didn't want to be visited by him.

"It's fine", he said gently, stifling a cough, "I wouldn't expect any different", she smiled and nodded, obviously not satisfied with the statement, but not wanting to upset the sickling any. His hands came up in a gesture of innocence, "really Noah, it's fine, I don't mind any that he knows where I am"

"Where is he?!", Alphonse jumped nearly as far as Noah did when a sudden commotion erupted from somewhere outside his hospital room before Edward came slamming through the door, a nurse behind him saying something about him not being allowed in. He was beautiful, and Al's heart ached like he hadn't seen the older male in days; he wanted so desperately to reach out for him, but at the same time he wanted him so far away from him that he wouldn't be able to see him this way. The way the older blonde's eyes widened drew shame up inside him and his gaze drifted out the window.

_Don't look at me…_

But he was looking at him, he was watching him with those eyes that Alphonse dreamed of, speculating him like one might a math problem and it made him uncomfortable. He gripped the blanket that had been placed over his legs,keeping his eyes set out the window, not daring to look at the person that he loved so much.

**

Edward's heart sank as he saw Alphonse laying in the hospital bed, a blanket thrown over him like an old crone who was dying of old age. Barely staying standing up, he watched his brother, footstep after footstep taken closer to the boy; he stopped when Al looked away, his eyes scanning something in the horizon that Edward couldn't fathom.

_I really didn't think there was hope did I?_

"Al?", the boy didn't look at him, giving him no answer, "Al-", the younger male cut him off.

"Noah, show him out", he said softly and something inside Edward struck a sour he watched as Noah stood from the chair that she had been sitting in and offered him the way out; in a kind of daze he took the invitation, his eyes not leaving his little brother until he left the room.

**

Al refused to look at the older man, he loved him too much to show him how much his heart was breaking.

_Another sin to add to my list...selfishness..._

"He came here just to see you, you know", the blonde jumped at the sound of a voice and turned his head to see Roy Mustang closing and locking the door to the hall, "don't you think it's rude that you treat him this way just because you're dying?"

"You wouldn't understand", Alphonse murmured, looking away from the Colonel like he had from his brother; this was the person that is brother loved, the person that held the place that he wanted ever so badly in his brother's heart.

_Another sin...Jealousy..._

Footsteps could be heard as Roy crossed the room to close the blinds that showed onlookers what was going on in the room, Al didn't notice this.

"I am sure I would", the older man said lightly.

"And I am sure you-", before he coud finish his retort, the younger male found himself pinned to the hospital bed, the dark haired man's weight pressing down uncomfortably on his wrists. Roy's face was so close to his that he could feel the warm kiss of breath that escaped the Colonel every now and again.

"Don't you think it's a little presumptuous of you? To think that you're giving up so much when he's still here with you?", Al opened his mouth to speak, but the dark haired man didn't give him time before he continued, "he's given pieces of himself for you that I know he wouldn't give for anyone else. And here you are, thinking that you have it so badly?" A firm male body pressed down on Alphonse, he could tell why Edward liked it so much.

"I am dying of tuberculosis", he managed, keeping his voice as even as possible.

"Yes, I know", the Colonel said flatly.

_But how-_

"I can read a medical chart, Alphonse, it's written very plainly", Al glared.

"Get off of me, you don't-"

"Whether you are condemned or not, you shouldn't treat someone you claim to love the way you just treated Edward", Al jarred and Roy loomed over him even more, "I see how you watch him, I knew even back then, I know that you are doing this because you are afraid of hurting him but you're hurting him even more by pushing him away. He will condemn himself with you when you die if you keep him at arms length."

"How do you know that's not what I am counting on?"

"Because you're not cruel Alphonse; if you must, take your aggressions out on me, not him." Roy bent his head and breathed into the younger male's ear, kissing it gently before whispering, "take out your anger, your fear, even your _lust_ out on me, but don't push Edward away..."

_Take out my lust on you...?_

Al stared at the Colonel for a long moment, knowing that the look on his face showed what he was feeling. He swallowed, there was no saliva.

"Fine", he said flatly.

_This…could be a mistake…_

"Fine", the Colonel mimicked gently; and their deal was made.

"Where were you? I thought you were going to wait out here?", Edward asked as Roy paced calmly into the waiting room where the younger male had left him.

"I had to use the rest room", he said lightly, fixing the cuffs of his shirt, "where's your friend?"

"Noah went back to Gracia's, aren't we going home?", Roy cocked his head to the side.

"You're not going to stay with him?", Edward looked at the floor, the hurt was evident in the way he was holding himself.

"Al-...", he looked back up at the Colonel, tears brimming his eyes, "Al doesn't want to see me", the older male could feel the sorrow, the choking in his voice, that little change that spoke of the lump that Edward was no doubt trying to talk around. A tear started down the blonde's cheek and Roy gently brought his hand up to cup his cheek, wiping away that tear with his thumb.

"I am sure he will change his mind, why don't you go back in?", Edward looked down again and shook his head and the dark haired male pulled his chin back up, forcing him to look at him, "go back", he said firmly, trying not to be mean. It took a moment, a long stare of gold meeting black, but in the end the younger male nodded and pulled away, heading down the hall in a broken way towards his younger brother's room once more. If Roy hadn't known that Alphonse would accept him, he would have thought it almost cruel to make his lover go back to the place that he had been removed from.

**

Fear wracked through Edward like a wild fire wracked through a forest, his heart was pounding and he truly didn't want to go back to that room. What if Al refused him? What if he sent him away again? He didn't know what he would do then, he might just die of sadness; the only reason he was going back at all to face this was because Roy would know if he didn't go. He didn't know how, but he would know.

He stopped outside the door, staring at it like the grim reaper was the one behind it.

_Alphonse..._

Slowly, he pushed the door open and entered, feeling his little brother's eyes on him from the very moment that the door left it's casing. The room was silent, the only sound that was heard was the _ka-shunk _of the door closing as Edward leaned against it, and turned his eyes up to look at his little brother.

A long moment passed, a moment that seemed like it lasted a century, before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Al, I-"

"I'm sorry", Edward stopped as he was cut off.

"What?", Al watched him for a moment then sighed.

"I said I am sorry, there was no reason to treat you like that just now, you can visit me every day if you want to", Edward was surprised, and he couldn't help the smile that cracked over his lips.

"Really?", the younger male smiled gently and nodded.

**

Al could feel the fakeness in his smile as he gave it to his brother.

_I will let you..no matter the pain..._


	5. Chapter 5

_We're almost the same, aren't we? Our hair is the same, our eyes are the same…but there's something that separates us…something that takes you away from me…_

_This person is offering to be your stand in…he's offering to take all of our suffering on to his shoulders…and I let him…_

_Is this a mistake…?_

Alphonse arched up, his back and hips coming off of the paper of the hospital bed as Roy thrust expertly; all he could hear was their joined panting, their moaning and the crinkling that the paper gave with every move that they made.

_Edward…!_

Burying his hands into the Colonel's hair, he pulled the man closer, his mind putting his brother in his place as he bit at him ferociously. He wanted it to be rough, he wanted the pain, he wanted to be punished for his sin. His nails scratched down Roy's back as he whimpered and begged, thrusting his body hard against the older male's; his eyes shot to the door.

No one would come in, Roy had locked the door; no one could see them, Roy had closed the blinds; but he wanted them to see, he wanted so desperately to be hated for what he was feeling.

"Edward", he croaked, "I want Edward"

"I know", Roy replied gently, thrusting that much harder to bring the boy to his completion before the spell of ecstasy wore off of him and he pushed the Colonel away. Al's nails dug desperately into the older male's back and Roy knew that it was close; mustering all the strength that he could, he sped up, thrusting as hard as he could into the smaller body below him. The seconds passed like an eternity until finally the blonde let out a silent scream, arched off of the bed, his eyes snapping open as his body shook. His muscles were tense, rock hard below him as he felt the pressurized spurt that signified the start of the blonde's release.

Slowly, very slowly, Alphonse felt his body soften, sinking back down onto the bed as he panted, watching the raven haired man pull away from him.

_What is there to say in a moment like this…?_

He silently reached for the Colonel again, pulling him down and letting his weight rest on his thin frame, holding him close like a lover might.

"If you tell him, I will kill you", he whispered softly, letting his breath tickle the older man's ear before he released him and Roy bent his head so that they were close, his smirk one of dominance.

"Of course~", he crooned, then he was gone, his warmth no longer there for Alphonse to take relish in. Roy enjoyed the way the boy shivered and shook, so very like the brother that he loved so much as he lingered in the afterglow of whatever heaven that they had gone to.

What could this be like for him? To have one moment of freedom in this world of nosy nurses and doctors? The flame alchemist would never have survived here; the only way that they had allowed him to close the blinds and lock the door was to tell all whom it concerned that they would be praying. He smirked at that thought; their interaction-even though his partner had cried out to God more than once-could hardly constitute as praying.

"Is something wrong Colonel?", the dark haired male snapped out of his thoughts as he heard the younger's question.

"Not at all", he replied lightly, "I should be going, Edward thinks I am at the store", the sickling nodded and the Colonel turned to leave, "Edward might come up later on", he stated, knowing that even if he wanted to, the younger male wouldn't refuse the visitation from his older brother.

"Well then I will see him when he comes to see me, now won't I?", Al replied; Roy made some sound of agreement, though if he said anything it wasn't intelligible enough for the patient to understand it. He bit his lip, trying to stifle the tick in the back of his throat that spoke of a coming coughing fit, "When will you be coming again?"

Alphonse watched the older male tap his chin lightly, halfway through pulling on his button up shirt, his slacks still lying on the floor. The sudden urge to reach for him again came over the boy and he crawled across the hospital bed and wrapped his arms around the elder male, kissing up his neck and jaw. Granted, he was only sleeping with him because he couldn't sleep with Edward; but that didn't mean that he wanted him to feel like he was only there for that reason, he didn't love him, but he wanted him to feel loved, like he was important.

"How does later tonight sound?", Roy suggested gently, "Edward will be out with Noah for her birthday, we wont be so pressed for time."

"It sounds fine", the sickling said softly, sucking on a point on the elder's neck and raising a welt, "I want to try something tonight", it wasn't a question, it was a statement and it was something that he knew the Colonel would enjoy, thus he released the flame alchemist and watched him finish dressing as he scooted back to his proper place.

**

Edward turned as he heard the front door open and the familiar click of Roy's shoes on the wood stated that his lover was home. Putting the dish that he was washing back into the sink, he grabbed the towel that he had been using to dry said dishes, and dried his hands as he headed into the main hall.

"What took you so long?", he asked playfully, "did you go to the wrong store?", his smile dimmed a little however when he saw the older man; he looked tired, like it had been a long walk.

"Is something wrong?, he asked curiously, unaware of just how much like his younger brother he sounded.

Roy turned to him, watched him for a moment then suddenly pinned him to the wall and kissed him ferociously. Grinding against the smaller figure, his hands roved desperately down Ed's small frame. He loved Edward, needed Edward to slake the lust that Alphonse aroused in him and to smooth the guilt that rose with it.

_I love YOU...but I want HIM..._

It was wrong, but he'd jumped at the chance like a starving dog to a bone and now he supposed that he was paying his debt in guilt. The game that he was master in was a hazardous one; it became dangerous when you got in too deep; when you loved one of the parties involved. When that came about, you walked a razor's edge, trying not to hurt them, but trying not to hurt yourself at the same time.

Edward pushed him back a little and smiled gently, a curious tone in his voice.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine", the dark haired male said gently, knowing that inside he really wasn't okay, that he wasn't going to be okay, knowing that tonight he was not going to find solace just as he hadn't any night before.

"Where were you planning on taking Noah for her birthday?", he asked, changing the subject quickly.

"She hasn't decided yet", the blonde replied, running his fingers up his lover's coat and smiling that pleading smile, "are you sure you don't want to come?" Giving a fatigued nod, the Colonel kissed the younger male's forehead and pulled away.

"I think I am going to take a shower"

_A nice, ice cold shower…_

**

Al sat up in his bed as he waited almost impatiently for Roy to arrive, he had been told by several nurses that he should have been lying down, but he just couldn't do that. He was being selfish, he knew that he was, Roy could very well contract tuberculosis from him and yet they both partook in this with nothing more covering the dark haired man's face than a doctor's mask that they gave him on the way in.

Glancing at the clock he noted the time, six o clock, he would be there soon, Edward had come up to tell him around four that he was going out with Noah for her birthday and that they might stop in later. He doubted that they would though, they rarely did when something important was going on during the day, they all would be too tired to visit; he and Roy would be safe to enjoy their activities.

The door opened and Roy stepped in, the familiar blue mask over his nose and mouth, he was as handsome as ever, looking as though he had roused from some form of relaxation just to come to visit the sickling.

"Right on time", Alphonse greeted lightly, watching the man close the door and loosen his tie.

_And so it begins again…_

**

"Shouldn't we go visit Al in the hospital?", Gracia asked lightly as she and Edward walked with Noah down the street; it had been a couple hours since they'd left the house now and were all laden heavily with the remnants of their dinners which they carried in small boxes.

"I don't see why not, we have to walk that way anyhow.", Edward said gently, the gypsy had finally decided on a little bistro in the center of town as her birthday destination and they had to walk past the hospital to get home anyway, "I'm sure he would like the company"

**

Roy bit into his lip, holding onto Alphonse's hips as he bent over the bed, standing on his toes on the cool tile floor. He couldn't say that he wasn't enjoying the younger male's new sense of adventure, it was refreshing and erotic at the same time, if anything he was enjoying it just all too much. Bending low over the blonde's smoothe back, he braced both hands on either side of his and sped up, driving into him with a force that spoke volumes on the desperate lust that he was feeling.

"Colonel~", Al's legs spread just a little wider as he peaked up on tip toes, obviously trying to get to something that was just out of his reach. Roy smirked, slowing and hitting him harder; making the boy bite the bed in order to muffle the squeal that the older male was drawing from him. Grabbing the boy by the hips, he hoisted him up, pushing him further onto the bed and rolling him onto his side as he hooked the blond's knee over his shoulder.

"Touch yourself", he ordered gently, watching as one creamy white hand moved to the younger male's painful looking erection and stroke it up and down; it sent a shiver of sheer lust down his spine.

"Before-", Al choked out "before I got my body back", he panted, keeping his hand's rythm in time with Roy's thrusting, "You all thought I couldn't feel anything; it's true, I couldn't feel pain but- AH!", he shuddered and rocked, crying out as the dark haired Colonel hit a soft spot, they were both close, that was when the younger male started talking. He would always revelate something in his madness while they were so highly euphoric and some of the things he said either didn't make sense to the Colonel, or they astounded him. "I felt other things", he croaked, pushing his face against the hospital bed, "fingers, I always felt little fingers touching me; crawling and skittering, scratching me."

Arching high off the bed, his body went hard as his climax spurted out, sending the Colonel off of the proverbial cliff. The boy pulled the older man down, holding him close as his fingertips danced over the marks from the scratches that he'd made; indentations in the perfect flesh by now.

"Is that what you feel when we do this?", he asked in a whisper that made the dark haired man's throat go dry; he opened his mouth to answer behind the mask but- the door to the room opened.


	6. Chapter 6

Edward had thought it strange when the nurse had said that Alphonse was in prayer at the moment; his little brother had never been one for prayer, he'd never been one for religion in the first place. He believed in God in the sense that he believed in equivilent exchange, that you had to give something to get something; yes it was very strange to have the boy be in prayer.

There was no qualm in him about opening that door, his resolve was firm, holding him steady; but when he opened the door and his eyes fell upon the two figures behind it, that resolve evaporated. Their bodies were pressed tight together as they were bent over the bed, Al's hospital gown parted and rucked up on his thighs, Roy's pants unzipped and riding low on his hips.

He knew what they were doing but there was no response to it even with the knowledge.

_Roy...?_

The sound of Noah and Gracia coming towards him from the desk where they had been talking to one of the nurses snapped Edward briefly out of his stupor and he quickly darted into the room, closing the door after him. He didn't need them seeing this, he didn't need anyone seeing this; _he_ shouldn't have been seeing it, but he was. Desperately, he bit down the tears that were threatening to demolish him; mating his back to the cool press of the door as he watched them stare at him.

_This isn't happening...please tell me that this isn't happening..._

**

Very slowly, Roy pulled away from Alphonse, being careful not to hurt him as he did so; then he tucked his unsatisfied flesh back into his pants and buttoned them before he advanced on his lover. This was bad, it was entirely his fault but it was still bad; he could imagine the boy was biting his lip behind that mask.

"Edward-", the younger male's eyes snapped up to meet his instead of just staring off into space, even with the obstacle of the blue covering in his way, he could tell the boy was upset, his eyes said it all as he floundered for words.

"It's my fault, Brother"

**

Edward's eyes snapped from his lover to Alphonse and the younger male flinched even though he had been solid in his declaration. No, this was not how he wanted it to go, this was not how he'd wanted his brother to find out; he hadn't wanted him to find out at all.

He swallowed hard, his gray eyes meeting those beautiful gold one's that were so unlike his own.

_Brother…_

"It's my fault", he looked at the hospital bed for a moment before pushing himself up onto the bed, staring at the gray speckled sheets that covered the main part of the bed, "I forced him into it…"

_I love you, Brother, I love you, not him._

"Don't lie to me…", the younger male looked up suddenly to see the older blonde glaring at the Colonel, "I know his game, I know how he is, don't tell me that you forced him when it is obvious that HE is the one that forced YOU." The raven haired man took the abuse; he was silent, taking the accusation onto his shoulders to protect the love that Edward had for the younger.

_No that's not true, tell him it's not true!_

"But-", Edward cut him off.

"Don't make excuses for him Alphonse"

"Edward-", again he was stopped.

"No"

"I-", and again.

"No", Alphonse couldn't take it anymore, he was raised better than this, his brother and mother had seen to that; they had always taught him the he was the one that was to take responsibility for his mistakes, not someone else. He was the one that was at fault, not Roy; he was the one that had entered this deal and he was the one that had said it was okay, not Roy. Roy had simply agreed so that Edward wouldn't get hurt, not because he necessarily wanted to sleep with the younger blonde.

_It's all my fault!_

"EDWARD!!", the sickling's raspy scream silenced any argument that his brother would have put against what he was going to say, his voice was calm when he continued, "it IS MY fault…It is my fault that Roy is here tonight, it is my fault for what we were doing, it is my fault that it ever occurred in the first place. It is ALL. MY. FAULT."

The older male was silent for a long moment, staring at his younger brother, the look in his eyes saying that the person that he was looking at wasn't his brother at all but some strange creature that had taken his place.

"Why would you do this?", came the question when Ed found that he could talk again; Al looked away, he knew why he'd done it.

_Because I love you but I can't have you._

He felt sick, he opened his mouth to speak but a tick in the back of his throat caught him off guard and he fell forward, coughing forcefully into his hand. He could feel his insides rattle and shake from the force of the fit; he couldn't breathe and soon blood spilled onto his hand but unlike before, the blood didn't take him to relief, it kept coming and coming, more and more and there was a large puddle pooled on the bed before he could finally breathe again.

At some point Roy and Ed had both stepped in a vain wish to help him even though they knew that he couldn't be helped by anything that they could do.

"I did this", he croaked, "because I love you, Brother...I love you so much that I don't want you to see me like this, I don't want to die in front of you...", Edward opened his mouth and Al held a weak hand up to stop him, "the Colonel came to me the day that I sent you away, he proposed to me a deal, where he would be the object of my frustrations and you would continue to visit...I took that deal, because I love you..."

Edward shook his head, his eyes wide.

"I know that you love me but I don't understand how you could-", again the sickling held up a hand and stopped him before crawling off of the bed and making his way shakily to his brother. He pressed his hand to the blue mask that covered his beloved brother's face.

"If you don't understand why I would do this, then you don't understand what I just said", he whispered; Edward gave a confused look and Roy stepped forward, silently pulling his shirt off and showing his lover the gouges that the younger male had made

"Every mark", the Colonel said gently, "every gouge, every scratch, every thrust and every moan; all of it was meant for you, Edward...his nails carved his self punishment into my back, a testament to what he wants…you and only you…"

**

Edward stared at the marks, the gouges that his little brother's fingernails made into his lover's back. It was clear what they spelled, what they said about the younger male and even though he didn't want to, he could see the deformed logic that they had used to justify their actions. After all nothing but deformed logic COULD justify them.

They expected him to be okay with this? Was he okay with this? Was he okay with Alphonse having feelings for him? Was he okay with him taking those feelings out on the Colonel?

"Is everything okay in there?", Gracia called through the door, snapping Edward out of his thoughts enough for him to fully pull the situation into his mind. They were in a hospital with hundreds of people around them with nothing but a locked door and closed blinds between them.

"It's fine", he called, his half frozen mind producing the words that he needed like a maple tree produced syrup-crude and slowly, "Why don't you take Noah home, Alphonse isn't awake, I am going to watch him for a bit, then I will head home too" Second after agonizing second ticked by as he waited for her reply.

_They can't find out about this…!_

"Alright", she said finally and the older blond gave a slow sigh of relief from behind his blue mask as he felt her retreat. He was a little happier once she was gone, it meant that no one would be bothering them for a while, the nurses still thought that they were in prayer so they would more than likely knock before they came into the room.

Rearing his left hand back, he slapped his brother hard across the face, a glare suddenly frosting over his features. Alphonse took the slap with surprising resignation, he didn't retaliate, even his turn back to look at his brother was slow. It was as though he'd known that it was coming, perhaps he had.

"You didn't even come to me", he said softly before opening the door and leaving, closing it behind him, leaving them to their dark world of pleasure.

**

Alphonse was silent for a long moment; what had Edward meant by that? Was he mad that Al hadn't asked him to serve the purpose that the Colonel was serving?

"Shall we finish?", he heard Roy ask; briefly he wondered how he could ask something like that after all of this, but then he knew. As the humility wore off, the pain of their stimulated bodies came back.

"Yeah"

_Let's get this over with..._


	7. Chapter 7

Edward rolled over in bed, unable to get to sleep, not knowing if it was because of the night's events with Alphonse and his lover or if it was because that lover was laying beside him. Either way he was unable to sleep and thus grew tired of trying, forced himself up and headed downstairs for a cup of coffee.

The house was quiet, dark and empty without the usual bustle of the day to liven it up; he turned on the light and started some hot water for instant coffee. He didn't want to make the good stuff right now, he wasn't in the mood. Once it was done he poured it into the cup and stirred in the familiar brown powder, watching as the water turned murky and eventually became a hazelnut brown. His spoon distorted the perfect surface of the liquid and he watched it silently; the spoon as it seemed was fate and the coffee was his life, it just liked fucking with him.

Putting the spoon on the table, he ignored the small ring it made and took a drink of his coffee; it was warm and rushed relief to his aching body. It was a little reprieve from what had happened; he hadn't wanted to think about it, but he supposed that he had to otherwise he would never get any sleep.

_Alphonse loves me…more than his brother…_

He stared at the liquid silently again, for a long moment before a knock on the doorframe caught his attention and he looked up to see Roy standing there looking at him.

"Can I join you?", he asked, Ed shifted, nodded and watched the Colonel make his own cup of coffee before sitting down across the table from him, "about tonight-", the older man started but Edward stopped him, not wanting to hear a speech that started that way.

"It doesn't matter", he said gently, taking a drink of his coffee and looking at his lover once he was through, "how many times, Roy?", he asked, his voice soft at first but then growing louder as he stood, his chair scraping the floor. "How many times did you fuck him before coming home to me? How many times did you make love to me to slake your guilt? How many times?!" The raven haired man watched him, his eyes saying that he knew he deserved this beretment, the same resigned look that had graced Alphonse's face now taking up residence in his. Giving a soft sigh, the blond pulled his chair back up and sat down, taking his mug back between his hands and willing his temper to cool.

"Tell me how it started..." Roy looked suddenly like he was off in a daze, looking like the old Colonel that Edward had known when they'd been in the military together. All he needed was his uniform instead of the dingy night shirt that was half pulled onto his naked body, then they truly would be in a memory.

"It started before any of us came here, true I wasn't sleeping with him then, but that is where the root of this affair begins", Roy said softly, "he loves you Edward, I knew it even back then. At some point in your journey together, his love for you turned from idolized affection to an incestuous love that he couldn't fight." Roy pulled out a cigarette and lit it, taking a drag on it before continuing.

"His heart broke when you disappeared and he searched desperately to find you; just like I did…", he tapped the cigarette on a glass, letting the ash fall into it, before he stood and paced around the table to stand beside his lover. "We did this for you, I did it so he wouldn't push you away and he did it so that you wouldn't reject him, so you wouldn't have to see him as deformed. Right as our intentions were at first, in the end I think we did it just because we grew to enjoy the activity.

The fact remains, Edward, we both love you dearly…" The Colonel tapped his cigarette on the glass once again before grinding it out in the bottom of the cup.

Edward watched him, standing and keeping his eyes locked with the older man's features; he felt sick, how was this the same man that he loved? How was this the same man that he'd snuck around with only a few years before? This man was just the man that he'd found with his younger brother only hours before, how was it possible that he really was _his_ lover?

The blonde's fist came sharply across the raven haired man's face, though he made a point not to use the metal arm, he wanted the man to hurt like he was hurting, but he didn't want to injure him too badly.

"What kind of deformed logic is it that makes you think that I am okay with this?", he asked softly, "How on earth can you expect me to be okay with this?! No one would be okay with this! How can Alphonse love me the way a lover should? How can you tell me that you love me when you turn around and do that with my little brother!?"

"Edward-" Roy reached for him but Edward wasn't going to be consoled, he pushed the man away roughly.

"No! I don't want an excuse, I don't want you to make it sound like it's okay and I don't want you to expect me to be okay with it! I'm not! I love you both, I want you both and you both just-", he hit him again, feeling the tears start welling up.

_He's my brother…_

Sinking to the floor, Edward covered his eyes, sobbing, not wanting to be seen, not wanting anyone there with him. He felt weak; weak for letting Roy see him like this, for letting him know that it hurt this much. Two arms wrapped around him and he desperately tried to rip away, pushing hard against Roy's chest to make him release him. It didn't work however and in the end the younger male resigned himself to being held by the man that had hurt him so.

"We never meant it to turn out this way…", the Colonel whispered softly, lifting his lover's face up so that he could kiss away the tears that were staining their trails down his cheeks, "it was a stupid deal that should never have been made. It was made in the vain effort that you wouldn't get hurt…Alphonse doesn't want you to watch him die…" The blonde clung to the man that he had previously tried to push away.

"But he doesn't have to die", he whispered into the older man's neck, "I was reading a medical journal, there's a medicine that was discovered in America to fight the sickness that Al has…"

Roy pulled back and looked down at his lover in surprise.

"Really?!", Edward gave a shallow nod.

"I was talking to Gracia about it, she offered to pitch in to help pay for it, she said that she would talk to Officer Hues and ask if he would pitch in a little too."

_Please don't let him die; he's my brother…he's the only one I will ever have…_

**

Alphonse stared at the I.V. that had been placed in his arm; the sunrise was just barely bleeding red in to the horizon, making way for the sun to raise to his place in the sky. The sickling hadn't slept all night and he felt queasy because of it. He was tired but the events of the night before made it impossible to sleep so he'd laid there all night, staring at the I.V. feeding into his arm and knowing that it was just a saline drip that would be removed in a few hours when the day nurses signed into their shifts.

_Brother…is it my fault that it is all happening this way? Is this equivalent exchange? Is this what I get in return for my sin?_

The blonde focused on his reflection in the I.V. tube; he looked like Edward, you could tell that they were related.

_Edward is more beautiful…his hair is lighter and his eyes are gold instead of gray like mine…_

He looked at his fingers, clenching them and unclenching them, watching them flex as the muscles in them were pulled tight then relaxed.

_I'm going to die like this aren't I…? Without him…_

_I'm sorry brother…I am so sorry for everything…if I could take it back…I would in a heartbeat…_

_I love you Edward…I love you so much…_


	8. Chapter 8

"He's going into respiratory arrest!", a nurse yelled as the young blonde's breathing stopped, his heart pumping blood in a futile effort to deliver oxygen to the boy's cells. But the oxygen wasn't there to be given, the boy's lungs had stopped functioning and were now just the same as balloons, empty and shriveled.

Alphonse felt like he was in a fog, his whole body felt heavy and the darkness was sinking in around him, he couldn't breathe and he didn't know if it was because his lungs had decided that he wasn't worth their efforts or if he was mentally choking off whatever chance of living that he had. Either way it was the same so he supposed it didn't matter; his body was screaming, his lungs hurt, he could feel himself dying and surprisingly he couldn't find it in him to fight it.

_Am I giving up…?_

The mask came over him like some misguided angel of mercy, keeping him alive for some reason that was unfathomable to him. He wanted to stop it, he wanted to push it away, but he just didn't have it in him. He was sorry, so sorry; he wanted to apologize, to tell Edward everything, not in the way that he had last night, but alone, privately, where he could reach and hold him permitting that the elder didn't hate him after what he had done.

_Please no…_, he thought with desperation, _please don't hate me…_

Tears burned into his eyes and Alphonse felt himself being pulled back to the land of the living as the nurses and doctors worked their magic, just like the sewing life alchemist had, though his talents hadn't been wasted on forcing a dying shell to continue it's existence. The urge to cough came back to him as the oxygen mask did it's job, he breathed in with it's assistance, then tore it from his face and started coughing, phlegm and blood erupting to the floor. Then the coughing subsided, though the restriction and need were still there; he returned the mask to his face.

The hospital personnel fritted around him, their masked faces seeming impersonal to him as he was moved to lay back onto the bed, the machine helping him breathe. They situated him, made him as comfortable as he supposed he could be in the state he was in and assured to his muffled ears that he was going to be alright for the time being and that there would be others to come check on him through the rest of the night.

"Would you just leave?", he hadn't meant to ask the question, and it was just that a question, not an argument, not an order; it had been meant to stay in his mind, but it had escaped through his lips.. The doctor looked a little taken aback but slowly nodded and gave a quick order to the team around him that Al was to be checked up on every half hour by someone and his condition, constantly documented; then he ushered them out and Alphonse laid back and stared at the ceiling, halfway seeing it, halfway not.

He wanted Edward, needed Edward, needed to resolve this before his life ended, and with that final thought, he drifted into a half sleep, letting his oxygen mask breathe for him, not having the strength to do it himself.

**

Edward stood outside the hospital room looking at the door silently, it had been a month, one month since that night that he had caught Alphonse and Roy; two weeks since he and the others had pooled their money and paid the hospital for the use of streptomycin, it had taken a call to everyone that Edward knew, everyone whom they knew and then more, but they had come up with the money.

He wasn't mad at Al, he couldn't be, it was impossible for him he supposed, but he was having a damn hard time touching the doorknob. According to the doctors the boy was still relatively weak, and would be for the rest of his life thanks to the extensive damage that his lungs had sustained and were now healing from.

_Stop being a damn coward!_

Reaching for the doorknob, he stopped before he touched it again and drew his hand back; it had been continuing like this since he'd gotten there nearly an hour before, he just couldn't find it in him to go in. Not when he was so sure that the Al he was going to see was one so little like the brother he knew. The tired, crippled figure that had been beneath Roy the last time he had seen him, that was not his brother; that was not his Alphonse, it was just a shell, a disease wracked shell that had somehow taken the form of his beloved little brother.

He reached for the doorknob again, wrapping his fingers around it and holding onto it. Gods above why was it so damn difficult? Was he afraid of what he would find? Shaking his head, he took a deep breath and turned the device in his hand, pushing against the wood of the door; it opened.

There he was, sitting in his hospital bed, looking better than when the elder had last seen him but still not quite himself. The oxygen mask that he had been told they'd had to use before had been removed, Al was getting better it seemed and now could breathe on his own. He didn't seem to notice as Ed walked in, maybe he assumed it was another doctor who'd come to check up on him.

"I finally come to see you and you're too stubborn to look at me? How rude", it was a gentle joke, one he knew would not bruise the younger male too eagerly. Alphonse jumped at the sound of his voice and turned to look at him, the look on his face a cautious wondering, probably thinking that the elder was still angry with him. No, he wasn't angry anymore, he had long since been angry. True he had been so when he'd first found his brother and his lover, but having your loved one so very close to dying had a way of putting things into an interesting perspective.

"This room really is boring", he said with a smile, "I don't know how you have survived here, just the boredom would have killed me already" The sickling cracked a smile, realizing that his brother was teasing him.

"It doesn't really matter when all the free time that you have is spent sleeping and being prodded by doctors", he replied lightly before looking away. "Edward about- about before I-"

"It doesn't really matter", the elder said softly, using the younger's words against him, "what happened, happened, I suppose we should move on, after all, dwelling on the wrongs of the doesn't bring much except pain." Al said nothing and Ed reached to hold his cheek in his palm, "You could have come to me; you should have come to me…", leaning he kissed the younger male's forehead, "but as I said, it doesn't really matter…what's done is done, we can't change it and we wont try, we will move on…"

**

Alphonse almost couldn't believe what Edward was saying, but found himself not daring to renounce this encounter as a dream either. It very well could have been a dream, but he didn't want to find it to be one just yet. Wrapping his arms around the elder, he held on for dear life, there was nothing he could say. Perhaps it was best that way, perhaps there was nothing to say or do except to accept what the object of his affection was telling him. Still he held onto him, wanting to say something but remaining silent.

_I love you…_

**

Roy-standing in the doorway-watched the scene with a feeling something between detached curiosity and empathetic happiness; normally he wouldn't have taken such initiative into the scene before him, but it was a different matter with this one. There was nothing really to be said about it, Edward had been struggling with his feelings for a month now, it was no surprise how the scene was playing out. The golden haired male didn't want to bury the experience, but there was no doubt that he didn't want a repeat; from the tongue lashing that the dark haired man had gotten- oh there was no doubt at all.

But perhaps it was better that way, perhaps that was what was needed to keep them all happy. Though he had never been a monogamist, it was a little difficult to fully understand his attachment to the two of them; he loved Edward, and he loved Alphonse, not necessarily in the same way, but he did. Edward loved the both of them and perhaps Alphonse did too, so maybe it really didn't matter that he didn't understand it; whoever said that you had to understand what you felt, anyway…?

_Le droit coutoumier…_, he thought with a grin, stepping into the room, it was the price that all men paid…when they were in love…

End.


End file.
